Parenting Safe Children - Body Safety Rules

This past weekend I went to what I am calling, so far, the most important four hours of my life I've spent for Jane. I attended a workshop called "Parenting Safe Children" put on by Feather Berkower. Our doula, Melina attended this same seminar and said it changed her life so she made it possible for Feather to come to Chicago to give this presentation (she is from Boulder). We had about 40 people on hand.


I walked away with knowledge about how to teach Jane about her body, to empower her to be the "boss of her body", how to teach her about sex when it comes, signs to look for when someone is "grooming" a child, and ways to screen caregivers.


This was not the most comfortable session I've ever sat through, but as Feather kept reiterating, we are uncomfortable to learn how to stop this from happening, so that our children never have to experience it.


I think the most staggering statistic was 1 in 3 girls will be sexually abused by the age of 18 and 1 in 7 boys will be. And these are the statistics from the *reported* cases. I also learned that 96% of child molesters are male, 50% of those are teenagers and the rest are men married, with children (except the 2-4% of women molesters). They are not scary old men, or people with disabilities. They are smart, calculated people who, 80-95% of the time - the child knows.


If you are interested in learning about this subject, Feather just put out a book after four years of her research called Off Limits: A Parents Guide to Keeping Kids Safe from Sexual Abuse - Sandy K. Wurtele and Feather Berkower.


I am going to raise Jane, and any other children we may have, with this set of Body Safety Rules. We will discuss them all the time, and I will look for teachable moments with her constantly to make sure she knows she is the boss of her body. I wanted to share them along, they are going on our fridge and I just thought if you haven't had this conversation with your kids, this might be a good way to do so. I also hope everyone respects Jane, when she says no to a hug or kiss from you. Steve and I will be respecting her the same way, it is always, always going to be up to her. Because I want her to be able to say no to *anyone*. (from Off-Limits) ...

Jane’s Body Safety Rules



1. No one is allowed to touch your private parts, except to help you clean them or if the doctor or nurse needs to examine them.


2. You are not allowed to touch someone else’s private body parts.


3. It is okay to touch your own private body party as long as you do it in private.


4. No one (adult or teenager) is allowed to take pictures of your private body parts or show you picture of naked people.


5. When playing with friends, play with your clothes on.


6. You and all your family members are allowed to have privacy when bathing, dressing and using the toilet.


7. No one is allowed to make you kiss or touch them if you don’t want to. No one is allowed to kiss or touch you if you don’t want them to, including relatives. You are allowed to choose who you kiss and touch, and when you kiss and touch people.


8. You have permission to say NO and get away if anyone tries to touch your private body parts or tries to break any of your body safety rules. You never have to do what an adult or anyone tells you to do if the person is a breaking body-safety rule or making you unsafe.


9. If someone tries to or does touch your private body parts, try to get away, and then go and tell a trusted adult.


10. If someone tells you to keep a secret about touching private body parts, tell an adult.

If you ever have a chance to attend this seminar, please do. I can not tell how much I feel this session changed my parenting skills with Jane in only four short hours. I feel so much more educated, and aware.