The "toddler" phase. What a loaded title for this woman. As I hold out my hand, to ask for the mouse back (which she has taken from the desk for the 13th time that day) she stomps, whines and cries as she brings it to me. I suppose I should be happy she's bringing it to me, but the theatrics?
Jane's friend Norah is sort of a whiz with stairs. Jane makes it up one. So now she likes to practice on my landlord's stairs in the back. This is not part of our apartment, but it doesn't matter.
Why did I bother with toys when there is mail?
How, in God's name, are people having other ones by now? I was one of the few who didn't mind being pregnant, but having the child? (I mean, when else can you hang out your gut with no shame?) Last night Jane woke up in the middle of the night and cried (then put herself back to sleep). This hasn't happened in probably three months. And Steve and I reminisced, 'remember when this happened every night, several times a night? I'm going to turn off the light now.'
I remember my friend Gina, talking about wanting a second child and how happy/scared she was because she was finally in a routine with her son. I GET THAT NOW.
And yet, I think, my 12 year old self would kick my ass (not really, I was sort of a wuss) if I said I wasn't having another child. There is nothing I wanted more, growing up, than siblings. I lied to my best friend one time, after knowing her for a few years, and said I in fact had a big brother and she just never saw him because he was always playing basketball. I'm surprised she didn't laugh in my face and call me a liar. Bless you Vanessa. But I always, always said I wanted more kids, and I do, and we will if we can, but I completely get the only child thing now. I mean, how can they possibly top Jane?
How can my daughter cling to my leg, as if the ladies at the YMCA child center torture her with salty needles for the hour I leave her, and proceed to say Hello to everyone at a BBQ with complete strangers? Shaking her fringe while doing so ...
Having a child, is so much harder and tests me so much more than I could have ever imagined. My life feels so complete, and full that I get that feeling things are too good, I'm too happy. The other shoe will drop any day. And yet, it hasn't. And I am so unbelievable lucky, and blessed.
5 comments:
I hear you- I can't imagine having another child-- I mean, wouldn't it be psychologically damaging to the poor thing to constantly live in the shadow of his or her PERFECTLY PERFECT older brother, Max? And yet, as the youngest in a family of three kids, I now totally GET birth order, and why my oldest sister is... well, the way she is. And I can already see that it's happening to Max, which is too bad. But I can't help it!
Jennifer, you and Steve are wonderful parents! This is a hard age, they love to hang all over you and fuss for nothing at all. This too shall pass. What a blessing this darling doll is. Love your blog!
and girls are so DRAMATIC about everything! That's what kills me about Ryleigh. She wants to be so independent but that means everything takes 3 hours longer to do - getting into her highchair/car seat/putting on shoes/etc!
Sounds like Jane & Ryleigh are a lot alike - the saying hi to all the strangers at a BBQ but acting like the nursery workers are torturing her? Been there... so hilarious!
I wonder too if I/we are crazy for going for round 2.... and yet I have no chance of stopping that train now! I'll be sure to tell you all about it in a couple of months. ;)
I love hearing how happy you are while being honest about your struggles. I know you're a great mom and will be to Jane and more!!! I still remember when all you wanted was a bulldog. You've gone above and beyond!
Thanks for sharing the thoughts! I too always said "I will never have an only child" as a result of being an only child but the ideaof "just" one now seems a lot more real.
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